(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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