you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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