Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
