JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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