i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
