I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
