I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
