very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
50% drunk capacity currently
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
