can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
