i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
