omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
