And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
