I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
