My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
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he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
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Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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