I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
