I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
