I cockslap morals
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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