every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All the doctor said was why
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
