I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
