All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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