oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
