it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
