i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
