Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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