OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently you make a good broom.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
