Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
