can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
