all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
