Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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