All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
