id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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