Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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