even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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