Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Drunk is not a location!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
