I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
