I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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