Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize