He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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