...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
