People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
