We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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