Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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