i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
