It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
