i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
