very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
