$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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