HIV tests are more positive than that guy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
