I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
