the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
