i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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