And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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