I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We have started to decorate penises.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
