U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
