the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
