Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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