Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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