Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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