the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
