I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
