So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
