oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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