I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
