I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
