And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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